Sunday, April 22, 2012

Our parents' guests

pic credits

Filipinos are big on "hiya." According to Wikipedia, "hiya" is loosely translated as 'shame' by most Western psychologists, however it is actually a 'sense of propriety'.

It is a part of a filipino's psyche to always think about what others would think or say about them.

In a sense, it is good as this serves as our inner compass in doing what is morally right. In most times, however, it is ill placed.

In the case of a Filipino couple planning a wedding, this is very detrimental.

If someone else pays for your wedding, it's expected that they have a say on who goes into the guest list. The tough part is that even if you pay for your own wedding, they'll invite their guests nonetheless.

This is a source of utmost exasperation and a test of one's patience.

A wedding should be a celebration of a couple's step to making a lifelong commitment. It is but right that this should be witnessed by the people who helped the couple along the way. Not just financially but emotionally, psychologically and physically. 

In no way or form can I understand why is it "nakakahiya"  to not include your parents far aunties and uncles you haven't personally laid eyes on for the past 10years and haven't contributed to you and your partner's personal growth in any way.

Wouldn't it be more "nakakahiya"  to the couple to have their wedding day witnessed by people they barely know and the people that they would want to invite just doesn't fit in the guest list anymore.

A supposed joyous event becoming a sad, sad affair.

tsk.. tsk.. tsk..


Katrina ♥ said...

sigh. :( i wanted to have an intimate wedding sis. 50 is really my ideal number of guests, but right now, our guest list had bumped up to 210!

chi said...

so true sis! thank God, some of our guests weren't able to make it so those that have +1 (or more) were still accommodated and we didn't go over our 130 guest cap.

dianaslittlehelper said...

That´s why h2b and i really insisted to fund our wedding, although our parents wanted to contribute, we politely thanked them and said no... It is because of the very same reason that we don´t want them meddling too much in our wedding plans. Bad na kung bad but I have to agree on what you´ve written here. It is innate among Pinoys to think of what others might tell, out of gratitude or feeling that you should let them make decisions since they chipped in to the wedding. So that´s why we only have 100 guests and we handpicked each and everyone of them. The funny story is my mom called me up if they can throw a second party somewhere for those who were not invited. The idea didn't really appeal me because the 100 invited in wedding are the only ones we want to celebrate our union with. But she said that she´ll pay for all the expenses. I was like... uhmm.. O...ok? Don´t ask me who´s going to be there, because I have zero clue who she´ll invite.

chi said...

Tama sis! oftentimes, if they foot the bill or share a part of it e they expect na to have a say on a lot of things about your day. It's sad because it's your wedding and not theirs.

Atleast, they had the decency to just have a post-wedding party for their friends instead. That's something less to worry for you sis. :D

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